I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
