Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
