NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
