I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
