the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize