We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
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