If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
