I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Vodka?
Forever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize