Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
