WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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