I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I smell like Dick and happiness
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
