Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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