So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
