Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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