He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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