how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're too hungover to prance.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
