Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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