Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
