we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
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That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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