It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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