why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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