the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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