I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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