just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
