We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???