There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
I love us.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not