At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
