Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16