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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.

  Fav 24 2674 916

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• (206): View more from Washington

  My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ

  Fav 23 1215 1865

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?

  (404): View more from Georgia

  You mean bread?

  Fav 60 17762 1897

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty

  Fav 14 1036 3488

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  my phone cant type all the emotion im having

  Fav 6 1255 3872

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.

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• (580): View more from Oklahoma

  This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting

  Fav 10 1240 975

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT

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