Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.

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  (402): Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little. http://tfl.nu/w7gx
  Replies (31) Good night (913) Bad night (2949)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.

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  (618): for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed. http://tfl.nu/1nkf
  Replies (16) Good night (2993) Bad night (749)
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  (585): View more from New York

  I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.

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  (585): I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me. http://tfl.nu/00st
  Replies (27) Good night (4717) Bad night (676)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them

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  (610): i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them http://tfl.nu/hras
  Replies (41) Good night (4199) Bad night (1523)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia

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  (205): Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia http://tfl.nu/0tpw
  Replies (28) Good night (6149) Bad night (1789)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

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  (314): Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee http://tfl.nu/57zq
  Replies (20) Good night (8516) Bad night (1060)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea

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  (732): the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea http://tfl.nu/kd80
  Replies (27) Good night (5873) Bad night (1035)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...

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  (806): And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice... http://tfl.nu/3gqd
  Replies (16) Good night (2826) Bad night (957)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter

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  (330): I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter http://tfl.nu/ep47
  Replies (7) Good night (3209) Bad night (1041)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.

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  (715): I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro. http://tfl.nu/7eu0
  Replies (8) Good night (865) Bad night (2323)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.

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  (763): Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up. (763): I just baked them cookies. We're friends now. http://tfl.nu/27t6
  Replies (10) Good night (2591) Bad night (555)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.

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  (303): I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls. http://tfl.nu/h774
  Replies (2) Good night (1266) Bad night (450)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.

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  (832): Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test. http://tfl.nu/gs8m
  Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (1346)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  that is an amazing summary hahaha

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  (847): I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day. (1-847): that is an amazing summary hahaha http://tfl.nu/zrw7
  Replies (6) Good night (1409) Bad night (857)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night

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  (361): His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night http://tfl.nu/4mza
  Replies (1) Good night (230) Bad night (599)

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