How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno