I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman