This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dating After Heartbreak
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*