At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
