I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize