I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
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Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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