he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
