Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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