worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
zippers are such a cool invention
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
