When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
