Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
