Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
