if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
