We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
