your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
