Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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