This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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