if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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