How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
