I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize