the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
