operation harelip BJ is a go
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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