That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
