Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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