Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
