After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize