If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
