Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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