There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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