I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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