I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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