You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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