Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
