So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
