wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
