turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
