Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
