3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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