There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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