some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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