Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
tell me about the fingering
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