Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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