PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
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I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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