I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
