so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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