some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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