sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
