I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
