is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
