That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
