Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
